One Of Those Days.

Today has been hard. It’s been full of so many emotions that I find it hard to process, and I feel I need to write it down. You know? Just one of those days where you’ve been filled with so much you literally just want to run and hide? I want to run, and I want to hide, on my own, in a dark room.

Lately I feel I’ve been losing my temper with Finlay so much, and I do raise my voice, but today it all got too much and he again wouldn’t listen to me asking him to stop, and looking at me with the “I know I’m being naughty, but I’m going to do it anyway.” Typical toddler I know, but today, not all being his fault, a mixture of things and I lost it, and I marched his little bottom into his bedroom and closed the door. Only for about 30 seconds before I re opened it, and then I crumbled. Into a crying mess on my hallway floor, I felt awful, I don’t know why I did it, as soon as I shut the door I regretted it, and he looked at me with his sweet dairylea stained face, and sat down next to me and started to chatter on, and I felt so so so bad, what an awful mother. I felt yet again that I had failed at this whole parenting thing, and that he didn’t deserve me as a mother, he deserved more.

Sometimes days get so difficult, and I do lose it more than I should, and I hate myself for that, but I am trying so very very hard to be a better parent. My boys are my world, they mean everything to me and I would do anything for their happiness, but lately with Finlay playing up I cant help but ask myself, is this my fault, or is it just a typical two year old stage? I have no idea, but I really hope it’s the latter. I need to make more time for him, and not lose my temper so easily. I’ve found it hard adjusting and juggling two very young children, and that’s not their fault, and I need to remind myself that I need to be more patient, more understanding.

With that being said I know I’m only human, I know I will have more days where I feel like I can’t do it, and I know that I will pick myself up, shake it off and strive to be better. I needed to write this, I needed to tell myself that no it’s not ok to lose my temper, but it is ok to be human, with real emotions and real feelings that will undoubtedly be tested so many times, I need to be more forgiving to myself, and when I slip up, I will learn from it.

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{The Ordinary Moments 16} #4 – Favourites

Ever since Finlay could properly watch TV we’ve gone through different stages of liking different programmes. I’ve never had a problem with Finlay watching TV or playing on the iPad. I know a lot of people don’t like it or only in moderation which I can completely understand and respect. Personally for us, the TV is always on, he loves to watch Disney Junior and watch films and I don’t mind admitting that he does watch it a lot, he’s not glued to it all day, but it’s always on for him to watch.

I can remember his first favourite TV programme was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He was obsessed with Mickey and would get so excited about anything to do with him. We had endless amounts of Mickey teddys, toys, clothes and books. I Just find it so sweet for him to have these little characters which he absolutely adores, which then leads me on to this weeks Ordinary Moment.

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One of Jacks favourite Disney films was Toy Story, and it’s safe to say he’s been watching it with Finlay for a long time in the hope that one day he would love it just like he did, even from when he was a tiny baby we would dress him in cute little Woody and Buzz clothes and have always showed him them in the Disney Store which we are massive fans of! He first got into Toy Story a while ago and always demands for me to put it on, we easily watch it twice a day, but lately the love for it has just grown, its by far his favourite film, and for Christmas we bought him both Buzz and Woody, reluctantly as we thought he was a bit young for them, but we couldn’t have been more wrong.

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Buzz especially is absolutely glued to his side each and everyday, and he now even takes them both up to bed with him. It just melts my heart, to see him bond with something like his little toys, they have become a comfort, a little friend, that he chatters away to all day, that he demands share every memory he makes, and to see him laying in bed all tucked up and zonked, with Buzz tucked up just beside him is something that is almost too cute to handle. I just love how something so simple and small, can be such a massive thing in a toddlers eyes, it just completely emphasises the innocence in him and I just never ever want that to go away, although I know it will, its these little memories and phases that are just so special to me.

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A Struggle With Baby Weight Gain

Having a big baby at birth Jacob weighed 9lb exactly, it never even crossed my mind that I would be having this issue. Ever since he was born, he hasn’t been the best drinker, and has always been so fussy when it comes to drinking his milk, up until he was around 9-10 weeks old he would only ever drink 3oz every 4 hours or so, something that I have found quite difficult to deal with. Every feed is a challenge, to the point of tears, and wanting to just give up trying with it as it has just made me worry so much!

I have a health visitor who comes to weigh him every 3 weeks as he has been putting on so little weight, and its really beginning to worry me. I feel I’ve tried everything from the way we feed him, the bottles we feed him with, the different teat sizes, but the only thing we haven’t tried is changing his milk as I don’t want to upset his little tummy. Since about 10 weeks old, he has been taking much better bottles out of no where, he is now taking between 5-7oz every 3-4 hours, and has about 5 bottles a day, however the only way I’m able to get this into him is if we don’t hold him to feed him, we have to lay him flat on our bed or somewhere he can lay without being restricted as he’s so fidgety.

We last had him weighed a week ago, and I was so sure he was putting on a good amount of weight but was completely disheartened at the fact he has only put 5oz on in the last three weeks. He now weighs 12lb 9oz, and I just feel he is so small for his age. I am at a complete loss, and have no idea what or if I’m doing wrong. He is a very happy and content baby who sleeps from 9pm – 7.30am each night, and is hitting each of his development milestones, and both the doctor and health visitor don’t seem too concerned at the moment, but will be doing some tests in a few weeks if nothing has changed.

Please if you’ve had a similar experience or advice in general I would love to hear it, as I really have no idea what else I can do.

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Top Tips For The First Few Weeks With A Newborn

Becoming a mummy for the 2nd time round, has definitely had both pros and cons when it comes to coping. When I had my first little boy Finlay in November 2013, I definitely felt like it overwhelmed me to begin with, I completely didn’t know what to expect and it was definitely more of a guessing game. The health visitors, doctors and even parents told me that I would soon be able to establish different cries for certain newborn needs. That day never came, I just couldn’t ever tell what cry meant what, or even if the cries were different!

However, since having my 2nd child, I have found I’ve coped so much better. I feel so much more relaxed this time round and I feel like I know what I’m doing and when I need to be doing it, and I definitely think with me being more relaxed it has meant Jacob is more relaxed, I mean he sleeps 8.30-7.30, Finlay doesn’t even do that now and I really believe its because I was a bit het up when he was so little.

So how did I cope with those first few weeks with a newborn?

1.Relax and Don’t Panic.

Now I know sometimes this is so much easier said than done, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a few times where I’ve been so stressed out. Bonding is so important in these first few weeks, don’t put too much on yourself, don’t expect yourself to be able to be running around with housework and errands in those first few weeks. Sleep when you can, in the spare time that you get just sit on the sofa and watch some TV, if you’re a mum for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or whatever time, don’t be worrying constantly about running after everyone, the house doesn’t matter, the fact that it’s 3pm and everyone is still in their PJs doesn’t matter. Order take away, or microwave a ready meal. I can safely say the world will not end.

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2. Don’t Hibernate. 

Now I think this is more of a preference, as I know a lot of new mummies that have wanted to stay in their own comfort zone for a while after baby comes, and that’s fine if that’s where you feel best. However for me, too much time in the house drives me nuts, I hate being stuck in the house, even if its just a walk round the block, or going to our parents houses, a change of scenery makes me feel so much better and refreshed, it wont harm baby at all, its actually really good for them to get a bit of fresh air, and also gives you that chance you’ve been waiting for to take out baby in the new pram!

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3. Accept help.

When I had Finlay I was very much “I can do it on my own” minded, and I was so exhausted after giving birth, and in the end it all got a bit much. With Jacob I’ve been so much more relaxed at letting people help me with him, my parents came everyday for about 3 weeks, to help me clean, and cook, and I don’t mind admitting I needed that help. Jack went out to shops for me all the time and again did most of the cleaning for those first couple of weeks, and I am so grateful for them for doing that, I felt I recovered better and my head was in a lot better place for it. Our bodies go through so much giving birth, and you definitely need some help for a while for both your sanity and physical ability!

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4. Baby Preparation

Make sure you have lots of sleepsuits and vests ready for baby when they arrive, as if you’re like me, the washing really wasn’t a priority and I would find myself getting so behind, so having lots of these really put the pressure off, you will soon get on top of it all, but having enough just puts you’re mind at ease. Lots and lots of nappies and wipes! I found buying a pack everytime we went shopping a really good way to stock up, as the last thing you’ll want is to be rushing to a supermarket at silly o’clock to buy them because you’ve just used the last one! I bottle fed both my little ones, so I think stocking up on you’re chosen formula is a good idea too. You’d be surprised at how quickly you go through it, and I’ve found our local shop doesn’t have the whole selection so you would need to go to a bigger supermarket.

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5. Go To Bed Early.

This point is especially true if you have other children about. I find this so difficult as when I put the toddler to sleep, me and Jack use it as our chill out time, watching TV, laptops, whatever it is we used this time for ourselves. However when you’re up multiple times in the night, going to bed at 11 is a bad idea! As I can guarantee the baby will wake you at 4/5 o’clock and your little one will get wake up just as you get the baby settled again! There have been a few night where me and jack have gotten around 3 hours sleep in a 24 hour period, due to baby being a baby, and a toddler who likes to get up rather early!

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