There are so many unknowns when it comes to parenting. Nobody can prepare you for what lies ahead of you when you have that beautiful growing bump.
I had a very textbook pregnancy. No issues what so ever. I felt the glow, I had the beautiful bump, and in that time I thought to myself “I’ve got this”. Little did I anticipate that 2 years on I would be sitting here thinking to myself – I completely haven’t got this.
My eldest is now 2 years old, and we appear to have hit a phase commonly known as the ‘terrible twos’. Or is it? I have no idea, I am at a loss with this one, and thus comes the question have I failed? When my toddler is having the most epic of all meltdowns because I said no to him having a kinder egg, when my toddler has rapidly (and I mean rapid! How can those little legs go so fast?) run across the other side of what is probably the biggest Tesco in the UK despite asking him countless times to comeback, when my toddler will scream in a restaurant and then proceed to smear Bolognese throughout his hair and face until I can physically sit there no more. When you attend toddler group and everyone else’s toddler sits there so joyful following each instruction whilst you sit there tapping the bloomin’ wooden sticks together, singing a long, yet your toddler, yes yours, is across the room face flat on the floor. I cant help but wonder have I failed? Do all toddlers act this way? Is this my fault? The complete unknown.
Guilt swiftly follows these feelings. Like a massive slap in the face, the guilt will creep in because I’ve lost my temper for the 50th time in one day, because I haven’t played with him enough and maybe that’s all he wants? Because he’s now a big brother and I cant give him that attention like I used too, maybe that’s why he’s acting up a little? I just have no idea, but I can say that the unknown and guilt is a really horrible part of parenthood.
I am sure for all the bad days (which feel never ending at times) there are just as many, if not more good days. Parenthood, although scary at times, is the most rewarding and most beautiful thing I have ever had the privilege to experience. My two little boys are my world. Would I change them? Absolutely not. Some times I think us parents just need to hear we aren’t alone, and that we are doing a good job.